The sitters at the table of plenty


Today, one of the local radio stations asked people to call in with their ideal dinner party guest list.  I mean, it’s academic for me since I had kids.  Once I would spend an entire afternoon buying and grinding 100 spices to make a chicken curry.  Once I made my own spaghetti – took me hours and I could have bought it for 89 cents! Now if it ain’t in a tin, it won’t get in.  So I don’t do dinner parties anymore – but it got me thinking.  Who would I invite?  This is who I came up with:

God and Stephen Hawking – so that when God had finished talking, Hawking could understand how he (Hawking) makes us feel most of the time – really dumb.         

Paris Hilton and Marilyn Monroe  – so that Marilyn can convince Paris of the merits of dying young        

Hitler, Stalin and Pol Pot –  Sautéed slowly with a zesty sauce made with chilli and Tabasco and served on an open platter.         

Eric Clapton, Jimi Hendrix and Carlos Santana – I like a little jam with dinner.          

Kim Jong Il and a toilet brush – just so that North Korea’s president can see that – even if you are small, bristly, ugly and smelly – you can still be useful.        

The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse -– I don’t know why, but Pestilence, War, Death and Famine just sound like fun guys and they never get invited to dinner.        

Tony Blair, John Howard, Saddam Hussein and George Bush Jnr – hang on, I already invited the four horsemen!         

Iran’s President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and Dr Kinsey – Just so Kinsey could record one of the world’s greatest dicks in action – long, slender, erect – and subject to immature ejaculations. 

Oh, and John Lennon.  I just miss him sometimes.  But he’d probably ask me why I didn’t invite to dinner the 12 children who died of hunger-related illnesses in the minute it took you to read this.  And I haven’t enough chairs for the 16 000 kids who starved to death today. 

 But, if I could, I would – just to say I’m sorry, you know?



Filed under consumerism, Food, humour, life

4 responses to “The sitters at the table of plenty

  1. This is the best dinner party list I have ever seen. Well done!

  2. There is a reason famine does not oft receive dinner invitations…


  3. When did you become so humorous? Props.

  4. Nice list! I certainly couldn’t have done better…

    I might have added Jerry Garcia to the musicians.

    I’d like to see Einstein and Newton along with Hawking, as well. Einstein could blow Newton’s mind, then Hawking could blow Einstein’s then they’d start talking and tell God a thing or two! 😉

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